Healing from Parental Wounds: A 4-Body Approach to Finding Peace

Growing up we often times experience hurt and pain that come from our very own home environments.  Parents are your first connection with the world, and how well this connection nurtures you as you grow into an adult, writes the script of the life you will live and experience. Much is being spoken today about healing the inner child and healing parental wounds, so one can finally begin to create a new life for themselves, should they be willing to address some deep rooted emotions.

Healing and forgiving other relationships in life is a lot easier, than healing the relationships that bind us by blood. Sidra Jafri says, healing parental wounds requires compassion, self love and the willingness to forgive ourselves first. when we break up with a partenr or a friend, we usually cut away fully. This allows the healing to begin and with time and working on oneself we can get over it and move on.

But what do you do, when you cannot cut away fully as in the case of living parents with whom there is extreme stress due to misunderstanding, unsupportiveness, excessive criticism and so on, over years and sometimes decades. I fundamentally believe that healing from deep parental wounds while still maintaining contact with your parents is one of the hardest emotional journeys we endure in our journey of life. You may find yourself caught between love, duty, traumatic events, happy memories and unresolved pain. In such situations is healing even possible you may ask. The answer is both yes and no. No, if you have given up hope that you will ever heal, after all you’ve carried this burden all your life, or some times as SJ says, we are not willing to let go of the pain, because it gives us the permission to wallow in self pity and seek sympathy from others. And other times, we simply don’t know what our life will be without this burden.

Yes, if you are willing to not look at them for the change but look within and work on yourself to get over the pain. But true healing is possible—not by changing them, but by releasing their grip on your mind, heart, and soul. Read that again.

If you are someone who is dealing with this situation, just for a moment, pause, close your eyes and ask yourself, how will life be without this trauma and stress? Are you willing to take that step ahead and open the door of your heart and let them out of your life, energetically, so you may allow healing to take place.

The key to healing lies in addressing the four bodies: Physical, Emotional, Mental, and Spiritual. When you heal on all levels, you shift from pain to peace, resentment to understanding, and dependence to inner strength.

1. Healing the Physical Body: Releasing Stored Trauma

Painful memories aren’t just in the mind—they are stored in your body. Years of emotional hurt can manifest as stress, fatigue, or even physical illness. You could eat the heathiest food, sleep well and work out diligently, but till you don’t accept that non serving memories need to be released for our soul to be light, your physical health may not reach its optimum levels.

What You Can Do:

• Body Awareness: Notice how your body reacts when you think of your parents. Do you clench your jaw? Feel heaviness in your chest? Acknowledge it.
• Breathwork: Practice deep breathing exercises like Box Breathing (inhale for 4 counts, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4 and continue the loop) to calm your nervous system.
• Movement Therapy: Engage in yoga, dance, or walks in nature to release tension stored in your muscles. When you do so, make sure you are fully present to the activity you are engaging in. Focus on your breathing, on the way your body moves, how the music or the sounds of nature fill your senses.
• Self-Care Rituals: Massages, warm baths, or grounding exercises (walking barefoot on grass) help your body feel safe and nurtured.

Affirmation for the Physical Body: “I release the past from my body. I am safe now.”

2. Healing the Emotional Body: Letting Go of Hurt & Expectations

The biggest emotional wounds come from expecting love, validation, or fairness from parents who may never give it. Letting go doesn’t mean you stop loving them—it means you stop waiting for them to be different or for them to come around and start appreciating you for who you are. Think about it, how much longer will you wait and what do you feel is going to cause that change of mind in them. It is important to come into acceptance. This is how they are, and it has nothing to do with you. It is who they are. So stop stretching yourself thin by over achieving or going overbaord with anything just to get their attention and approval. It isn’t going to happen.

What You Can Do:

• Journaling: Write a letter to your parents expressing everything you wish you could say (you don’t have to send it). Letting out your pent up emotions on paper is a very cathartic experience. The more you write, the more you will start to feel the emptying of your heart and an amazing lightness will begin to set in after a point.
• Emotional Release Techniques: Try EFT Tapping (Emotional Freedom Technique) to release stored emotions. Tap on points like your collarbone or forehead while saying, “Even though my parents hurt me, I choose to release this pain.”
• Set Boundaries: If they trigger you, limit visits, change the subject, or simply walk away when needed. Now please remember, doing this is in no way disrespectful. It is better to walk away than to engage in a verbal argument over the same situation, saying the same things again and again. When you first expressed how you feel to them in words, they heard you. But has it changed anything about the way they think and behave with you? If not, then what makes you think, now is going to be any different? So stop wasting your precious energy, walk away and use that energy to heal yourself.
• Practice Self-Validation: Every time you catch yourself seeking their approval, remind yourself: “I am enough as I am.” This is absolute gold! If you can simply become aware to this one thing, you will begin to heal instantly. It is our conditioning that seeks their approval and there lies our challenge – to break that expectation and create a new reality.

Affirmation for the Emotional Body: “I honour my emotions, but I am no longer controlled by them.”

3. Healing the Mental Body: Rewriting the Story

The thoughts you repeat about your parents shape your experience. If you constantly think, “They ruined my life,” your mind will always find proof of that. Instead, shift to a new, empowering perspective. Here are some ways in which you can do this. Remember, what they said or did cannot be undone now. By reminding yourself constantly of their misgivings is like shooting yourself with a new arrow every time. How will you heal at this rate? You go to a healer, or therapist and work on yourself for a few sessions, and then you shoot yourself with another arrow by recalling the past, making the wound fresh again.

What You Can Do:

• Reframe Your Story: Instead of “I had / have terrible parents,” try “They were / are limited by their own wounds, but I choose to break the cycle.”
• Mindfulness: Observe your thoughts like a movie—detach from them instead of engaging.
• Affirmations: Repeat positive affirmations like “I am free from my past. My life is mine to create.”
• Limit Negative Triggers: If certain conversations or memories always bring you down, consciously shift your focus when they arise.

Mantra for the Mental Body: “I choose thoughts that bring me peace.”

4. Healing the Spiritual Body: Finding Higher Meaning

Your soul chose these parents for a reason. What if the challenges they gave you were actually pushing you toward your highest self? This one can be a sore reality for some of us. Like Sidra says, ‘the truth pisses you off in the beginning, but eventually sets you free’.

What You Can Do:

• Gratitude Practice: Each day, write one thing your parents taught you—good or bad—that helped shape you. Yes, you can write about the bad things too, cause those will reveal the resilience, patience and strength with which over overcame those times and what it has made you today.
• Meditation & Prayer: Connect with a higher power (universe, God, your higher self) for guidance and strength. But more importantly, begin by surrendering to the higher power. You don’t have to solve everything. Allow space for divine intervention to take place.
• Forgiveness Ritual: Close your eyes, visualize your parents, and say: “I release you from the role of making me happy. I take back my power.” You could also use the hawaian healing ritual of ho’oponopono – I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, Thank you. 
• Find Your Soul Tribe: If your parents cannot support you emotionally, build a chosen family of friends and mentors who do. Sidra in the soul spa, would ask us to do this exercise and it was amazing to see how freeing it was to be able to choose my soul family who would be my safe place at all times. For eg., you may see a good friend as your divine mother, a mentor you ork with as your divine father and so on.

Affirmation for the Spiritual Body: “My past is a teacher, not a prison.”

Final Thoughts: You Are Free Now

Healing is not about forgetting the past—it’s about making peace with it so it no longer controls you. When you heal your four bodies, you no longer react to your parents from a place of pain. Instead, you step into a new identity—one that is whole, peaceful, and self-sufficient.

If you are ready to release the past and reclaim your joy, start with one small step today. Healing happens in layers, and every step you take brings you closer to freedom.

Which of these steps will you start today?

Need help with getting started or staying on the path of healing – write to me at activatingbodyharmony@gmail.com and we can connect.

Leena Munot