Father or Dad? The Choice That Shapes a Child’s Life
Fatherhood – The one emotion that can expand your bosom with pride in a moment and still weigh down on your shoulders as a responsibility for as long as you live. It is a one way ticket into a life that is as promising and as unpredictable as it gets. In this blog, we are exploring the many dimensions it presents and the many expectations that come with this title.
Fatherhood is more than a title – it is a responsibility that shapes a child’s sense of self, security, and ability to love. A father is the child’s safe space in the world. That he needs to provide with basic financial resources to have a comfortable childhood is a given, but equally or more important is for him to be a pillar of emotional strength, guidance, and unwavering love to his child. Unfortunately for a lot of men, the role of fatherhood begins and ends with providing financial support. Either they come from a similar childhood, or simply choose to be this way when it is their turn to be a father.
When a father is absent, indifferent, or emotionally unavailable, the void he leaves behind lingers long into adulthood, shaping the way a child views the world, relationships, and their own worth. A father’s presence in a child’s growing up years, sets the tone for how this child will show up as an adult. Will they experience this world as a safe space, where they can express who they are, or will they shrink into their shells and choose to be invisible going through life?
The Unseen Scars of Father Wounds
“The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature.” – Antoine François Prévost
But what happens when that masterpiece is left unfinished? When a father vanishes into his work, his distractions, or his own unresolved pain, his child is left staring at the empty space where love should have been. A child who only hears criticism instead of encouragement, experiences indifference instead of affection and has to deal with comparison instead of acceptance, learns to believe they are never enough. They carry that unworthiness into adulthood, wearing it like invisible chains.
For those who grew up without a father’s warmth, his presence to your needs, his encouraging hugs, or simple conversations that build an unbreakable bond, the ache is relentless. It is wishful thinking to imagine that the ache will go away with time. Instead, it deepens, changes form and seeps into our relationships, careers, and the way we see ourselves and how we perceive this world.
A child’s hunger for validation, approval and love from a father, makes one look for it in all the wrong places. We want to over achieve to win them over, fall sick, get into trouble to draw their attention or sometimes, simply start to move away and find someone else to fill that void. Sometimes they tend to become people-pleasers, or emotionally guarded—doing anything to fill the void left by a father’s absence.
Fatherhood: More Than a Paycheck
“Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad.” – Wade Boggs
This quote more than nudged my heart. It made it ache a little more as I suddenly had one word to describe the feeling I missed all my childhood and through my growing up years. The deep craving to have a Dad – not just a father. When my young female friends would say with so much love and affection in their voices and their eyes – ‘I want my life partner to be exactly like my dad’, another arrow struck through my heart, and the pain only deepened.
When it was my turn to dream about the kind of partner I wanted, I couldn’t fathom someone like my Father, who always placed his responsibilities of work and providing financially at the highest level. Instead I wanted quite the opposite. I wanted someone with a Dad-like personality – caring, affectionate, someone who made me feel heard, seen and safe. Someone who’d be proud of who I am, the way I am, the one who would believe in me, even when all my chips were down, would happily listen to how my day was at work, what troubled me and what made me happy.
A slow and painful realisation took birth in my mind – that a father’s role extends far beyond bringing money to the table. His physical, mental and emotional presence matters. As I could see the lives of some close friends and the relationship equations with their dads, the picture started to become more clear. A child needs a father who listens, who acknowledges their feelings, who reassures them that they are loved just as they are. The stories we tell ourselves about love, worthiness, and safety are written in our childhood—and our parents actions or inactions shape that narrative.
A child whose emotional needs are neglected often grows up believing that vulnerability is weakness, that their emotions are a burden, or that their worth is tied to their achievement. They may struggle with self-doubt, constantly seeking external validation, or even subconsciously attracting relationships that mirror their childhood experience.
Breaking the Cycle: The Lightworker’s Path to Healing
“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls your life.” – Unknown
Healing from father wounds is not easy, but I believe it is possible. It begins with acknowledging the pain rather than suppressing it. Journaling, therapy, and deep inner work can help untangle the beliefs formed in our childhood. Recognizing that a father’s inability to show love is not a reflection of one’s worth, but rather his own limitations, is a powerful step toward healing.
So what next? Are we willing to grow through this phase and lighten our souls for the journey ahead? If yes, then forgiveness is the way. Forgiveness isn’t about letting him off the hook—it’s about setting yourself free. Read that again.
It’s about understanding that his absence or indifference was his wound, not yours to carry. In choosing to heal, you break the cycle, refusing to pass that pain down to another generation. You reclaim your worth, your voice, and your ability to love without fear.
Three Ways to Heal and Let Go as a Lightworker
- Inner Child Work
No matter what age you are, the wounded child within you still longs for the love and validation they never received. Through guided meditations, visualization, and journaling, you can reconnect with your inner child. Speak to them with kindness, tell them they are loved, and rewrite the narrative that they were never enough. Holding space for your inner child allows deep healing to take place. - Energetic Release and Forgiveness
Negative energy from past wounds can create emotional and physical blockages. As a lightworker, practicing energy healing techniques such as Reiki, breathwork, or chakra balancing can help release this stagnant pain. Forgiveness is also key. It does not mean excusing the actions of an absent father, but rather freeing yourself from the energetic weight of resentment. - Reparenting Yourself with Love
One of the most powerful ways to heal is to become the loving parent you never had. Set healthy boundaries, nurture yourself, and practice self-compassion. Surround yourself with supportive and emotionally available people who uplift you. Recognize that you are your own source of love and security, and that healing is a journey of self-discovery and self-empowerment.
Healing Is a Lifelong Journey
Is healing easy? Not really. But is it worth it? Absolutely!
There is plenty of content and help available should we choose to work on ourselves and heal our souls. I’ve been struggling to come to terms with these realities of my life and have been through many phases. I think the first was ignorance – maybe I was too young to even tell what was going on. Then came denial, not believing what I felt, what I saw at home and what I saw outside and finally came the pain of opening my eyes and seeing things the way they were. And once you have seen it, you cannot unsee it ever.
We will perhaps always be a work in progress, because in healing there is no start and end point. Like the many layers of an onion, we peel away at each layer, letting go and uncovering the next layer, working on ourselves through it – resting, throwing up our hands in despair, fighting, crawling with pain, (asking ‘why me’ kind of questions) and slowly with faith, we begin to lean into it and learn to surrender fully to the process. We realise we took on a tough lesson to work on, in this lifetime!
But as we go through and grow through this experience, our spirit is rekindled with love, compassion and a sense of joy that comes from doing a lightworker’s job.
A Call of Love to Fathers: Show Up, Be Present
A father’s love is a child’s first experience of safety and security. To every father reading this: your presence, your words, and your actions shape your child’s world. You are their first hero, their first protector, and their first guide. Your role is not just to provide but to nurture, to teach, and to love unconditionally.
As poet John Wooden once said, “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” But equally important is showing that love to his children—through time spent, through open conversations, through being there not just in body but in heart and soul.
A child’s greatest need is not your wealth, but your love. Not perfection, but presence. Not comparison but unconditional acceptance. And in showing up fully, as a father you don’t just raise a child – you shape a life. And they are two different things.
To those wonderful souls who never had that – the presence of a Dad – please know in your heart – ‘You are enough. You always were. And you always will be. And someone somewhere is ever proud of you, looks up to you and you are their hero.’
To those fathers who don’t see it as important to be a Dad – may you awaken from your deep slumber of ignorance or denial, work on your wounds, heal yourself and enjoy your journey of becoming a Dad – your child awaits your arrival.
There will always be more money to be made, more work to be done and more responsbilities to shoulder – but the joy that comes from becoming a Dad and bringing up children who are secure and happy will perhaps be your deepest joy and your biggest blessing to the generations that come after you. When you become a dad – you don’t just shape a life, you change the trajectory of the entire lineage.
Some men of great repute, change makers of the world, even in our modern times, carry the abscence of being a Dad in their hearts. May they realise this and begin to heal themselves. You can be a conscious Dad and be fully present at work too. It is not a mutually exclusive situation, unless we think of it that way.
What can you do today to bring some elements of harmony in your Father to Dad transition?
